20 Jan 2018

When we start a new job, relationship or an entirely new experience, it is common to have expectations as to how that is going to pan out or fulfil us. We may expect that this new job will give us purpose, a sense of security or we will be highly regarded in our expertise. We may expect this significant other will “complete” us. We may even expect that we are going to be the “best parent ever”. It’s all very good to have an idea on how we would like changes to work for us however a lot of the time we may expect (consciously or subconsciously) certain things to occur in a particular way. If our expectation doesn’t go to plan then we may be left with a feeling of disappointment or discontentment. “Oh that didn’t go to plan” or “That wasn’t what I expected” – you might hear yourself saying. Instead of that buzzing “Whoo hoo!” feeling we were expecting to feel, we seem to continue on with a flat lining “Ho hum” feeling, or much worse. When this happens, what do you do?

Back when I was pregnant with my first, I was super-excited, nervous as hell and read all the books and information I possibly could to get some sort of idea about what to expect when the little man came along. In reality nothing could have prepared me for what was about to unfold however I had this fluffy expectation as to what was going to happen. I knew it would be challenging at times, I would get less sleep than I was use to but I had a very positive frame of mind and was ready for whatever came. I imagined myself with this little baby that would sleep for hours during the day and wake up occasionally at night for feeds. I could study during his nap times, take him on social outings throughout the week, bake cookies and make all my meals from scratch because I was now home and had the time to.

Pffft, was I in for reality shock! Our little man had other plans. He wasn’t a sleeper, he wasn’t a day time napper and there was absolutely no way that I had time to prepare meals let alone bake damn cookies. Some days I was lucky to peel a banana and have that for lunch let alone step out the front door. It wasn’t until he was 10 months old that he actually spent more than 5 hours a night asleep in one go. Pinky Mckay whatever, controlled crying – yeah right (have you ever listened to your baby cry for more than 2 hours and been ok with that?!). Works for some, definitely not for us. All our son wanted was to be close to me all the time, and with good reason – it’s a great big scary world for one so small.

Anyway, what I am getting at is that I had this expectation that our son would be a “good sleeper” because that is what I was putting out to the universe. Little did I know that I only had part of the equation. You see it’s all very good to put that positive expectation on what you would like to happen however I was focusing too much on the HOW to make it happen and trying to have control over the situation ALL THE TIME. The more I persisted with him sleeping, the more he would resist and push back. This just put me in a downward spiral of holding onto what I thought “should” be happening, what it was I was doing wrong, to which I'd then try something different and expect it to change but also didn’t work, etc, etc... You see what I have come to realise now that is that the part of the equation I had not taken into consideration is releasing and allowing it to happen. I was so focused on making the expectation happen myself and forcing it to occur in a particular way, that it ended up having the opposite effect.

So what do I mean by releasing and allowing it to happen? Surrender to the expectation and let it go. Put trust into the universe that it can and will happen and allow it to unfold in its own way. I’m not saying just put the fluffy expectation out into the universe and do nothing else. There is some action which is still required on your part but instead of forcing it to go the way you think it should, be open to different and often better options which will reveal itself when the time is right. I have personally found that often the inspiration and guidance as to what to do to comes from within once I have surrendered to allowing things to just be as they are. With the example I gave above, it was not until I surrendered to the fact that our son was not a good sleeper and it was not a reflection on my capabilities as a parent, it was just how things were, that the answers came to me as to what to do. I stopped searching books or the internet for information and in exchange, the answers came to me. I started listening to the inner guidance which had been telling me for some time that we needed to move his bed to a different room away from electrical appliances, Wi-Fi and the Smart Meter. Only then did he fall sleep easier, extend his day naps and start sleeping through the night. Only then did things change for the better.

Whether it is a new job, relationship or experience that hasn’t quite turned out to what you expected it to be, perhaps take a step back and evaluate what your expectations have been and whether you have been too focused on forcing it go the way you want it to. Have the expectation of what you want in mind by all means however forget about the “how to” and allow the universe to work it out as it is much better at doing these things than we are. Let go of the need to control the situation (ego) and listen to your inner guidance (soul / divine / higher self / whatever you like to call it) or urges to go somewhere, see someone or do something. If you need confirmation, watch out for signs through synchronistic events, conversations with random people or even things that pop up on your social news feeds. The universe will guide you in many ways if you are open to receive new opportunities that work in your highest good. Do this by letting go of self limiting expectations on how you think things must be. Most importantly, when the signs present themselves, act on it and before you know it you will be sitting happily in your blissful experience (or an even better one) to which you had originally envisioned yourself in.