04 Feb 2016
Change is inevitable and a necessary part of life so why do we resist it? What is it that we are fearing? Do we fear making the wrong choice and not liking what is on the other side of change? Are we resisting a natural part of our evolution and trying to hold onto something that is way past its use by date? Or are we actually fearing success? Whatever the case may be, it is important to address what is holding us back (consciously and subconsciously) so we can move forward with confidence in whatever decision or change that life presents us with.
So, you are fearing or resisting changes in your life. Let me begin by asking you this. What is the worst possible thing that could happen if you made the change you have been fearing or resisting? Now, compare that to the worst possible thing that could happen if you didn’t make the change? Which is better? If you stay stuck in your situation what are you getting out of it? Is this working for you or are you just feeding an old belief system? Sticking with the devil you know because it feels safer and is familiar to you?
Now ponder this. What is the best possible thing that could happen if you made the change? And the best possible thing that could happen if you didn’t? Which option offers you more fulfilment and enjoyment out of life? What happens if you succeeded and were happier on the other side of change? Is it worth the risk? Will this shatter an old belief system about not being good enough or deserving of better? Ripping out an old belief system from the core will certainly rock the foundations. You may be subconsciously thinking this belief is what is holding me up. It identifies who I am. If I was actually successful then that means I now need to be responsible in maintaining that. It is so much easier to sit back and say “It’s all too hard”, “I’m too busy” or “I have to stay where I am” rather than to take action and then be able to say “Yeah I gave it a go and it didn’t work out” or heaven forbid “I did it, I succeeded, how amazing am I?”
Whether you are about to start a new job, a new relationship or a new way of being, change can be scary but you know what is even scarier? Staying where you are if you are not happy, being fulfilled or getting anything positive out of it. We can distract ourselves as much as we like with TV, social media, exercise, etc, but at the end of the day, if we are going to bed each night feeling like we have wasted yet another day doing the same old stuff, not growing or evolving, how scary is that mind chatter going on in our heads? We can be our own worst critic and enemy at times – “I did this wrong”, “Why didn’t I say / do this?”, “I hate my job / body / life...... ”, “I am useless”, “I have no purpose or reason to be”. Those thoughts running through our heads are terrifying and distressing however we have come to accept that it is normal to beat yourself up. But is it? Imagine what these thoughts are doing to your energy, your motivation and your overall wellbeing. By putting these thoughts out there into the universe, what are you attracting? (Remember energy follows thoughts).
Let me give you an example. If you took two children and with one of them yelled abuse, called it names, said they were wasting their time, had no purpose in life and wouldn’t amount to anything; then with the other child told them how much you loved them, you believed in them, to have another go and it was possible to achieve their dream if they worked at it; then which child do you think would have more energy, motivation and feel supported with whatever decision they made? Now put that into context to the words and thoughts that you are saying to yourself. Are you nurturing and supportive or just being a big bad bully and getting in your own way?
If we truly feel supported and have clarity about what we want out of life, we take the steps towards something new and different with confidence and embrace whatever it presents us with. Ultimately the change either works for us or it doesn’t. If it does, then brilliant! If not, ask yourself are you enjoying or getting something positive out if it anyway? If the answer is still no, why not? Do you need to tweak it a bit or make another decision? It’s not as if we are given only “X” amount of decisions that we can use in a lifetime and we must choose carefully or we have wasted our quota. Our choices are unlimited and we are free to choose and make changes to our choices at any time. Admittedly there are circumstances where we don’t have control over the change that has occurred such as death of a loved one, job redundancy, accidents or any other unforseen event that may occur. In these circumstances, we must learn to accept the change as much as we may resist it. Although the change is beyond our control, we can always control how we react to the situation. We can choose a gentle approach by acknowledging that the event has occurred, it will take time to heal and perhaps we may need to re-evaluate where we are at and what we need to do to move forward; or we can be that bully to ourselves and say “suck it up”, “it’s all your fault”, turn to vices to numb the pain or lash out at the ones we love. The choice is yours and only you know what works best for you – just be sure to be honest with yourself about who it is you want to be and take responsibility for the choices you do make.
A saying I once came across really stuck with me and it was “If nothing ever changed there would be no butterflies”. Can you imagine how much beauty and wonder we would be missing out on if that were the case? Imagine the potential you could be missing out on if you never changed. With that in mind, I will leave you to ponder this... Are you happy being the caterpillar, chewing on leaves and spending your time moving around on the underside foliage? Or are you ready to go through that sometimes scary and uncomfortable transformation that opens the doors to your true potential, allows you rise above it all and see the world from another perspective?